Daily Prayer

Since my last post, I have been feeling the writing bug again and that feels really good. My mental state has improved since yesterday and I believe it will continue to do so as things start to level out again.

I’ve been thinking of ways I would like to tweak my blog and one way I would like to do that is by simply titling my prayer posts as “Daily Prayer” instead of “A Prayer For (insert subject here)”

I’m doing it this way now because honestly it’s hard not to end up repeating yourself. Daily Prayer just kind of covers whatever hits me in the moment so hopefully that’s OK with you? 🙂

So I won’t waste anymore time. Let’s get down to it and start praying 🙂

 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this day. Good or bad, you know the way.

I pray for those in need today Lord. May you shine your wonderful light on them. Help them to see hope and love. Help us who are already in your light, to reach those who need to see it.

Lord, my heart feels good today. Thank you so much for that. It makes me want to reach people Lord. I want them to have this good feeling in their heart too.

Lord, I am grateful for all that you do. As I open up more each day, you speak to me in ways I didn’t know were possible. To grow as a person with you in my heart, there is nothing like it.

I pray Lord that those who feel stuck or lost on their walk with you. May you help them break down the walls in front of them and not look back. May you help them avoid the temptation to steer off your path.

I say this a lot Lord but many people are hurting and the more my heart grows with you in it, the more clearly I can see just how many people are in pain. You have seen me through a lot of pain Lord and I see now more than ever how pain and suffering can be used as a powerful tool if you choose empathy and compassion over resentment and anger. I thank you for that.

In closing Lord, I thank you for the roof over my head, food on the table and for the clothes on my back. May you bless all of us with such comforts so that we may focus on you in peace.

I thank you in advance for already answering my prayer and showing me the way.

 

Always in your name.

Amen ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

Psalms 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

 

 

 

 

 

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The Truth Is…

As of late, I am not well. Those who follow me, know that I have bipolar disorder. It’s been under control for the most part to the point I sometimes almost forget I have a mental illness.

Today, and in the last two weeks, I am well aware of the fact I have a mental illness (at least I can recognize it now so that’s a win I guess) and in my other blog Mental Break – In Progress, I wrote a post about what mania is like as I have been suffering from it lately and I explain why.

For anyone who cares to read up on that I will leave a link to the post below –

Mania In The Moment

I wanted to write about it while I was in the middle of an episode so that anyone who has bipolar disorder might take comfort in relating or if someone is unsure of their mental state perhaps what I wrote will give them a light bulb moment or even still someone who has a loved one with the disorder can better understand what it’s like.

My current mental state? The high of mania is coming down. I’m tired, moderately depressed but mainly tired.

During times like this, I find it hard to connect with God. It’s discouraging. I feel like a hypocrite in some ways to be writing a blog about my walk with God when I can’t always stay on track or live up to the things I write about.

I have never liked using my mental illness as an excuse for anything. I try hard not to let bipolar disorder define me but today, I need hall pass.

When I have bipolar episodes, I can’t sleep or I sleep too much. I feel irritable. I read people all wrong and start to become paranoid that they are upset with me.

I feel out of touch with my faith. I can’t keep up with my writing. I get all these grand ideas and goals, start them and never…ever complete them.

I feel like all talk and no action. OK, all talk and sometimes partial action…a flake.

Everything just stays in your head and it fills up with so much junk that you can’t get rid of it. You want an outlet for all your thoughts but you don’t have the drive to act on anything.

It makes me feel trapped sometimes.

I know I should turn to God in times like this. I had thoughts of reading my Bible today and couldn’t even bring myself to do it. It’s not even a hard thing to do. It’s so easy. Just pick it up and start reading.

It’s times like this where I feel frustrated with our health care system. People are always saying how lucky Canadians are to have the kind of health care we do and on a global scale I suppose we are but the reality is, in my province we have a massive shortage of doctors, insane wait times and the mental health programs here are lacking.

Did I mention the obsurde amount of taxes we pay into this service?

It’s been almost two years since I have moved home and I still can’t find a family doctor. I had a psychiatrist at one point but because I forgot two consecutive appointments and forgot to call in, my file was closed and so now I have to start the process all over again.

I had to go to out patience and get the doctor on call to give me my prescriptions for a year so that I could buy time to figure this all out again. I’m surprised he actually did it because my psychiatrist wouldn’t prescribe me more than 3 months at a time.

I shouldn’t complain I guess. We have it better here than a lot of countries but right now in the moment, I am frustrated. I’m discouraged. I’m mentally ill and I’m tired right now. Tired of being good at hiding this most of the time.

When your illness falls into the invisible category it’s hard to let people know when you’re not well. You feel like you have to justify your illness because “you don’t look sick”.

There is stigma around that. People will judge or pass you off as being dramatic because most of the time it goes unnoticed and then suddenly when it is noticeable you must be faking it or something.

I feel a little jaded right now I guess. I was on quite the high in the last couple of days and now it’s crashing and honestly it’s no wonder people probably can’t take me seriously sometimes when I’m flip flopping brain chemicals and having unexplained moods and reactions to things I don’t normally have moods or reactions to.

One silver lining in all of this is I do have the drive to write about it. Writing is one of the best therapies I have for something like bipolar disorder and I have always expressed myself better through writing. As I type this all out, I’m starting to feel a bit better because it gets it out of my head and it helps me focus.

Medication has certainly helped and creating a safe environment for myself has helped. I am more self aware. Oddly enough, I can’t say I have had a ton of real progress with therapists. Not knocking what they do but again the health care system fails in this area.

Psychiatrists I have noticed, are easier to get in to see because of the medical nature of what they do but don’t get them confused with a psychologist because they are not there to hear about your deep rooted issues that play a role in your mental health. They are there to give you the pills and monitor that aspect of things.

The truth is, the cognitive therapy is just as important and in some cases, I would argue more important than the medical treatment. Proper counsel can be very beneficial. I can’t say I’ve manged to get a lot of that but one counselor I can truly rely on is God.

God is my counselor and my comforter and he certainly doesn’t charge as much.

In closing I would like to sign off with a prayer because I have been missing that lately. So today I am going to pray for comfort and peace of mind because that is what I need right now and I am sure there are others out there who could use that too. ❤

 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for allowing me to find the words I needed today.

You are the Great Comforter and you reach my heart, mind and soul even when I am lost.

You understand my heart Lord. You see my heart even when I can’t and I thank you so, so much for that.

You have saved me so many times Lord but the truth is, I have never officially asked to be saved by you but today in this moment, I want to be saved.

Please save me Lord because I don’t know what I would do without you. You love me even when I can’t love myself. You heal me in ways medicine can’t.

I don’t want to rely so much on earthly coping mechanisms Lord. I’m tired of temptation as a means to cope. I need your help. All the time. Never stop helping me.

I still have a lot of work to do Lord but you have brought me this far. You have helped me overcome the abuse I have self inflicted and I am still standing because you will not let me fall even when I want to so I’m doing this. I’m giving my heart over to you because I’m tired of tip toeing around this.

I need you and I give myself over to you 100%

I will fail at times Lord. You know this as much as I do but I feel I am finally ready to serve you the way you deserve and the way you want me to.

I am not even sure I am doing this right Lord. Asking for your salvation but it finally feels right if that makes sense and so I’m going with it. I have certainly thought about it enough times and I know you will guide me along the way because you know my heart.

Lord, there are so many more of your children who are where I am right now on their walk with you. So close to being ready to take that step. To actually say the words knowing it’s coming from the heart and I pray that you speak to them the way you have to me today.

May you comfort those in need Lord. This world is in pain. There are people who are suffering more than I or others will ever know but you know and I pray you deliver those people from harm and show them the light they need to see.

Know that as I write this prayer to you Lord, I feel peace inside. I thank you for giving me that peace. It’s so simple isn’t it. Ask and you shall receive. May I never be afraid to ask for your help Lord.

In closing, I thank you for the roof over my head, food on the table and for the clothes on my back. May you bless all of us with such comforts so that we may better focus our heart, mind and soul on you.

I pray for my family and friends Lord. I pray you watch over them and keep us together and strong.

I pray for the sick and the weak Lord. So many are hurting near and far. Please comfort them today and everyday the way you have comforted me.

Always in your name,

Amen. ❤

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

Psalm 34:17-20

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love To Be Right? Here’s What You’re Missing

There are many growing pains throughout a Christian walk and safe to say, you should never stop growing.

As a Christian, it is asked of you to smile, be patient, kind and love one another until the day comes that justice is served and honestly, what’s wrong with that?

Showing kindness, compassion, love, mercy, forgiveness…they are all such wonderful qualities to have yet there are going to be moments during your walk with God when you look up and ask –

“Aww…do I really have to?”

Yes, you do.

Isn’t that frustrating sometimes? Seeing and hearing some of the junk that flies around in this world and yet having to bite your tongue, be the bigger person and most of all, the person God wants you to be.

It’s tempting to want to cave sometimes and get up on our soapbox and seek justice… the last word…the title of being right but that’s not why we are here.

I’m not a Bible scholar but I do know enough to feel frustrated and angry even, by the way Jesus was treated. We all know that Jesus was persecuted but when you really start digging into the pages, you start to see it (or at least I have) on a whole other level.

The persecution that took place then, takes place now. Perhaps not in the same way exactly but Christians to this day are still persecuted. From what I have read, it’s not going away any time soon.

It makes no sense to me that there is a book out there called the Bible that millions of people read and try to live by. A book that inspires an entire movement to be better people. Good, loving people and yet there are just as many people picking it apart and in some cases denying that it has any value at all… even within our own community.

Why?

You know, I used to watch and listen with great interest, debates between Christians and atheists and I used to get so riled up. I would get sucked into the arguments for and against God.

It would make me angry at the atheist and have me rooting for the Christian like some kind of sporting event and in some cases it even made me doubt my existing beliefs.

Then one day, I realized something. Why do I care so much about this argument when I already know what I believe in my heart? What is the point of this debate exactly? Why would I allow myself to get caught up in such a pointless narrative? What does it actually accomplish other than conflict, confusion and “egos” getting their fix by “winning”.

For the longest time, I would not take a side one way or the other. I tried to appease everyone with my “open mind” believing that if we could all just be open to everyone and everything then there would be no need for fighting and silly debates but the truth is, once God enters your life, once you allow him into your heart, you start to find that the formula of “everyone is right” is faulty and will only hinder your walk with God.

Sooner or later you do have to pick a side and let it speak for itself through your actions.

You do that by treating people right.

Yes, even those who don’t believe because despite their disbelief, your belief does not put you above anyone. Why waste all of that energy arguing your point just for the sake of being “right”? Why fight people who don’t agree with you? Stand by your beliefs but don’t go out of your way to cause conflict with them. Surround yourself with like minds instead of obsessing over the mind you can’t change.

Your actions…your heart. THAT is what speaks the loudest. When you do speak, make your words count for something. Don’t waste the precious breath God gave you on petty arguments.

I don’t mean to shout these words at you as if I am the authority on them. This is just what I have learned personally…the hard way… and I have started to improve upon what I have learned  by starting to do things like read the Bible, go to church, speak to and connect with like minds, write about what’s in my heart with no fear and continue to treat people well.

As frustrating as it is sometimes to take the highroad, we need to remind ourselves that the earthly satisfaction of being right for the sake of being right is absolutely meaningless. It has no real weight or bearing on the things to come and so slowly but surely I am learning more and more to treat each day like God is coming and is prepared to judge us and our actions.

Truthfully, if God were to approach me right now and say –

“Cavelle, it’s time. Let’s take a look at your file.”

I would shrivel to nothing. I would not be cutting the mustard.

We should have a healthy fear of God and I don’t mean to suggest we all run around paranoid. That is counterproductive but we should at least check ourselves everyday and hold ourselves to a higher standard and that right there is the reason I feel a lot of good Christian people and just good people in general take so much heat because they hold to that standard of good and they don’t waver from it and it makes those who lack those standards look in the mirror and instead of being inspired to step up their game, these people would rather bring you down to their level instead so that they can continue to live empty lives.

It’s sad really and so the people who I have allowed to bring me down in the past and instill hurt and anger in me, now, I only have sadness for them because we all deserve to experience good in this world we should strive to be in a position where we can offer goodness to someone else.

Knowing that some people ignore or do not even know God’s love is sad.

God is the greatest comforter we will ever know but some people have yet to open their hearts to that notion and so as God’s children we are not here to fight for God. He has that covered already but God does need us to spread his love because when you show the same kind of love to someone that God has shown you, for some, that may be the closest to God they ever get but at least through your actions they will experience love the way you do. Enough perhaps to spark something good inside. Hope. Even better it may be the reason someone fully turns their heart over to God. It may be just the push that person needs to pick their side in life but it will never happen through petty debates and the need to be right.

Anyone who chooses to serve the petty agenda of their ego and who seeks to dismantle a person’s core values simply for the title of “I’m right” is of no help to themselves or to the people they think they are helping.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

Exodus 14:14

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow! Thank You!

Mental Break - In Progress

Hey guys 🙂

So despite the fact I have not written in this blog since mid November, there are still people finding, reading and following this blog ❤

That warms my heart! But umm, it also leaves me wondering what I should do lol. As you know from the last post I left here, I ventured off into new territory with a second blog calledA Christian In Bloom.

The theme there as the name suggests, is faith based and focuses on my ever growing walk with God.

I have been taking things at a slow pace and I thought perhaps of closing down Mental Break – In Progress altogether…I did that once before during a difficult time in my life and I soon came to regret it.

Mental Break – In Progress has been my baby since 2014. I can’t seem to shake it and I don’t really…

View original post 270 more words

A Prayer For Focus

It’s a new year and I am long overdue for my daily prayers. Many times when a new year begins we attempt to set goals. Give ourselves some sort of direction in light of a fresh start.

I for one could use some direction. I think sometimes the thing I struggle with most is I have too many ideas and directions that I want to go in. I find it difficult to focus.

So today, I pray for focus.

 

Dear Lord,

My prayers to you have been long overdue. Please forgive me for this as I have let my mind fill up with things that don’t revolve around you as they should.

Lord, please help me to focus on you, your love and your guidance. You know the way for me but I have wandered off, distracted by everyday things and I need help coming back to you.

The Bible says to not lean on our own understanding yet that is exactly what I have been doing lately and I see in this moment why we are encouraged to avoid that kind of thinking.

Lord, I pray for those trying to find their way. For those who feel lost and without purpose. You have a plan for all of us. May you help us see your plan so that we may continue to walk in your light.

Lord, I know that as long as I continue to focus on you, you will focus on me. You will help me find my way as you already have on so many levels. I pray you never stop helping me even when I find myself lost. Please know how much I need and want you in my life.

As always Lord, I thank you for the roof over my head, food on the table and for the clothes on my back. I pray that everyone has that in their life so that they may focus on you in peace.

In closing Lord, I thank you in advance for answering my prayers. You always do in your own way and in your own time. I am so grateful for this. ❤

Always in your name,

Amen ❤

 

Colossians 3:2

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

 

Woman in Gray and Black Zip-up Hoodie Raising Her Right Hand

 

Shine Bright This New Year

In light of a New Year on the way, I wanted to write out my thoughts but also say them on video because this message is close to my heart and I think it’s so important we take this message into 2018 and beyond. ❤

 

It’s that time of year again when we eagerly await to shed this year and grow into a new one.

For myself, 2017 has been a bit of an uphill climb to say the least but I would also say in the best way possible.

I am certainly looking forward to 2018 and I am ready to kick some serious butt.

But I also know what it’s like to be on the other side of that mindset. There are many people who are going to be entering 2018 feeling the complete opposite of what I am feeling and so I wanted to just shout out a reminder of what it really means to be depressed because unfortunately many people out there are and there are still many misconceptions about what depression actually is and so I wanted to give those of you who are battling depression a voice and also some hope that you are not alone and not completely misunderstood.

Many people still perceive depression as being “sad”…crying, being overly sensitive and emotional, displaying self pity, appearing to be lazy and even immature and that is honestly not even close to what real depression consists of.

Depression is feeling numb, hopeless, completely unmotivated, knowing it’s not right yet unable to do anything about it despite people’s attempts to make you “snap out of it”

Depression is like floating around in a dark limbo. It’s watching yourself gradually disassociate from your reality as if you are watching yourself from a distance.

It’s wanting to move but not being able to…not even to take a shower.

Depression is watching others move forward and wanting to feel happy for them…even managing to fake happiness for them but it takes everything you got and then…what’s left for you?

Depression is knowing people are frustrated with you, feeling guilty that you are not pulling your weight but yet feeling so heavy and helpless to do anything about it.

In my experience, that’s depression.

I just want you to know, if that’s you right now, God sees you and he’s here to help. Maybe you can’t or don’t want to see it but he’s working on you I promise.

I want you to know I’ve been there…more than once and although none of us walk identical paths, I can relate in my own way and from the outside looking in I want you to know it WILL get better. I promise you. You deserve a fresh start and a new year just like anyone else and I’m reaching out because there is power in reaching out. There is power in owning our struggles and sharing them so that maybe you or someone you know can keep sharing that light.

To me, that’s how God works on us. He gives us the strength and love we need and expects us to pay it forward and so it’s my hope for 2018 that people will do more of that so that we can help break down these walls and in particular, the stigma that hangs on to things like mental illness.

The sad truth is…for some, this message will have come too late. There are some of us who are not going to ring in the New Year and that breaks my heart because so many lives have been taken from us due to mental illness but this year…in fact right now we can all start shining our light a little brighter so that those of us who are deep in the darkness of depression can see that light an hang on to it.

It can literally make the difference between life and death and so as you ring in the New Year, I encourage you to keep that in mind. Perhaps we won’t follow through on the usual resolutions to lose weight or quit smoking but I think one resolution we can all keep for 2018 and onward is the resolution to shine bright and treat each other with kindness and compassion.

In closing I want to share a Bible verse that speaks to what I am saying here today and something we can all bring into the New Year –

 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

 

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle

 

Antibiotics And Bipolar Disorder

Hey guys! 🙂

Wow! So I definitely took some time off from blogging but certainly haven’t forgotten about it. ❤

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays and are safe, healthy and loved going into the New Year. 🙂

I honestly thought my first post coming back would be more faith based as that is the main theme but mental health is also a theme I promote here and this time around, mental health takes the front seat and I would like to explain why.

Several days ago, I managed to get strep throat. Oh how lovely. I’ve had strep throat before so I knew right away what was happening and got myself to the hospital for a course of penicillin which I am currently taking.

I have not had to go on antibiotics in quite some time. In fact the last time I had to take them I was not even diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder yet.

One thing I have noticed this time around compared to last is that I have been feeling very “off”.

Dizzy spells, anxiety, restless sleep, moody and basically just not feeling right. It seems to come and go in waves.

I know I am not allergic to penicillin and even if I was, my symptoms do not line up with an allergic reaction.

I will admit a couple of times this week I was off schedule with my medication for Bipolar Disorder and had missed a dose but have never felt like this.

So, I decided to do what most of us do and Google the heck out of this mystery and what I discovered was interesting and something I was not aware of.

First, I discovered the the two medications I take – Cipralex aka Lexapro for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (yes, I have that too lol) and Lamotrigine aka Lamictal for Bipolar II Disorder does not interact negatively with Penicillin so I managed to rule out drug interactions as the source.

Second, after some more research, I started discovering numerous articles/studies about how antibiotics can trigger manic episodes in people even if they do not have Bipolar Disorder.

Now, to be fair it’s not set in stone that if you take antibiotics you’re automatically going to exhibit symptoms of mania but there certainly appears to be a link there.

So now I am wondering, if my medications are not know to interact with Penicillin one way or the other but antibiotics in general are known in some cases to trigger mania in people with no known mental illness…

Then perhaps I am a sitting duck because I already deal with managing mental illness and now I am taking something which can literally cause it?

I am certainly not a doctor and I Google medical stuff way more than I should but everything I have read has me coming to the conclusion that treating strep throat is messing with my Bipolar Disorder.

Then I think well, maybe being ill in general is messing with my Bipolar Disorder. So as you can see, I have lead myself down quite the rabbit hole but I do feel it’s worth noting because maybe others have had this experience.

Please feel free to weigh in with any thoughts. 🙂

Take Care & God Bless ❤

Cavelle